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Why Are You Voting Republican?

If you head over to ImVotingRepublican.com, you'll be greeted by the most hilariously over-the-top video I've seen during this campaign. According to the film, Republicans hate gay people, poor people, sick people, people with AIDS, women with breast cancer, women who are pregnant, food safety standards, small business, teachers, hybrid cars, black people, the environment, the consumer, other countries, the troops, and the constitution. In fact, it appears the only things Republicans don't hate are money and war. Watch.

The site then encourages visitors to "get informed" with links to the New York Times, NPR, and (gulp) MoveOn.org. You know I'm no fan of the Republican party, but this film is laughably demogogic and is almost a parody of itself. In fact, I've been sending it around to people with terminal illnesses and it has worked wonders for their morale. But, to quote Barack Obama, "in the interests of full disclosure" I feel obligated to tell you that there were actually many lines that were cut from the film. I present them to you now:

"I'm voting Republican because I'm filthy rich, and I want all of that money to stay in my bank account where dirty poor people can't get it."

"I'm voting Republican because, as my mother used to say, a little waterboarding never hurt anybody."

"I'm voting Republican because I believe in a woman's right to choose which automatic weapon she uses to defend herself from those pesky minorities."

"I'm voting Republican because hybrid cars are really gay looking. Oh by the way, I hate queers."

"I'm voting Republican in order to get a free iPod nano with my tax return."

"I'm voting Republican because I believe that all whales should be nuked. Except for the 'Free Willy' kind. Those can stay."

"I'm voting Republican because I have a front porch, a Lynyrd Skynyrd tattoo, and no Jewish friends."

"I'm voting Republican because my wife is insisting upon it. Oh, I should mention I can only get an erection when gas is over $3.50 a gallon."

"I'm voting Republican because global warming will only really affect the world's dark-skinned people who live close to the equator, and after all, they knew what they were getting into when they decided to live there."

"I'm voting Republican because I believe that one day America's dream for Iraq will be realized, and we will finally welcome our 51st state."

"I'm voting Republican because I hate you."

Hat tip to Keith Freund who sent me this video and contributed wonderfully to this post

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  • Anonymous Anonymous said:
    Thursday, June 12, 2008  

    I'm voting Democrat because I believe racial minorities are too inferior to succeed without affirmative action top

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