Consider this the 1,000th example of the American media boiling down complex issues into easily digestible slogans, as the only two schmucks we can vote for dance along to the show. To quote Newt Gingrich, "We don't really have presidential debates today; we have a kind of meaningless political performance art: a recitation of talking points choreographed to avoid any risk."
A well done response to the infamous "I'm Voting Republican" video. The lines are a little nasty, but no less than its liberal counterpart, and just as overly simplistic:
Favorite quote: "I'm voting Democrat because I believe in change. And not just just any change...but a change...that translates...into hope. And not just any hope...but a hope that...brings about...real...change. I like change."
Whoopi Goldberg is worried that John McCain's decision to appoint Supreme Court justices who strictly interpret the constitution could result in the return of slavery all over America. John McCain is worried that spending two more minutes on The View could result in the return of his lunch all over his favorite tie. Watch:
Since Whoopi apparently knows the constitution so well, she might want tell the rest of us about the 13th amendment. You know, the one that states that "neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except for punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."
Somewhere, steam is shooting from Ron Paul's ears.
There's no proof that McCain's people knew this was going on, but reports are surfacing that Republican convention attendees with signage relating to a particularly touchy issue for McCain were told to leave their cardboard and sharpies at home. If there's an issue where John McCain most disappoints me, it is the issue of illegal immigration - something he's been suspiciously quiet about since assuming the nomination, and an issue which seemed all but forgotten during the convention. Watch.
McCain has yet to tell the American people where he stands now on this critical issue, even after having been the poster-child of amnesty in an attempt to shove a massively unpopular piece of legislation down the throats of the taxpayers (with a little help from Ted Kennedy). And now, motivated voters at the Republican convention with signs reading "Build The Fence" were told to pack them up and keep them out of sight.
And Sarah Palin? I challenge anyone reading to find me anything tangible regarding her views on illegal immigration - I'm willing to bet you'll find yourself empty-handed. And if no one knows where she stands, what are the odds she's as much of a pushover for amnesty as John McCain has shown himself to be? Does John McCain think he can send another equally horrendous bill through congress if it's presented by Ronald Reagan in stilettos?
But of course, the American political equivalent of two-card-monte forces us to choose from two wholly imperfect candidates. If McCain is elected, proponents of border enforcement will really only have to fight his administration. If Obama is president, they'll have to fight an entire party.
I have no confidence in McCain on this issue. None. If you're a conservative who cares about border security, be prepared to be sold down the Rio Grande if the "maverick" is elected.
In the clip below, you'll see CNN's Soledad O'Brien try to pin down former White House Communications Director (and "McCain spokesperson") Nicole Wallace, asking how Sarah Palin can be an advocate for special needs children when she cut Alaska's special needs budget by "62 percent." Nicole seemed surprised by the accusation, probably because in addition to not being true, it so far has only appeared on DailyKos and a handful of other liberal blogs.
Hey CNN, here's a hint: DailyKos is not a reputable news site. Watch.
Naturally her Down syndrome baby was mentioned. What wasn't mentioned is that the December 2006 budget document cited would have been prepared by the outgoing governor, the incumbent Republican thrown out by Sarah. According to the publication Education Week, her legislation not only allows more money to flow to "rural and remote" schools, it actually raises special needs funding by over $45,000 per student.
Gov. Sarah Palin and state lawmakers have gone ahead with an overhaul of Alaska’s school funding system that supporters predict will provide much-needed financial help to rural schools and those serving students with disabilities. The plan, enacted in the recently concluded session of the legislature, is based on recommendations issued by a legislative task force last year. It will phase in a greater flow of money to districts outside of Anchorage, Alaska’s largest city, over the next five years.
A second part of the measure raises spending for students with special needs to $73,840 in fiscal 2011, from the current $26,900 per student in fiscal 2008, according to the Alaska Department of Education and Early Development.
So a national news network claims that Palin slashed funding for special needs children by 62% by tying her to the budget proposed by her opponent. In reality, she actually increased special needs funding by 175%. So if you want to go on believing that America's mainstream news media doesn't have a liberal bias, be my guest, but it's no surprise over half of all Americans think the media is trying to hurt her.
Oh, and according to the same poll, 39% believe Sarah has better experience to be president than Barack Obama. Ouch.
In the following video are the voices of Mike Murphy, a former McCain adviser, and Peggy Noonan, conservative columnist for the Wall Street Journal. You'll hear their real feelings about Sarah Palin - that she's "not going to work" and that "it's [the race] over."
Noonan: (After Murphy says Palin isn't the most qualified woman) "The most qualified? No...I think they went for this — excuse me — political bullshit about narratives...every time Republicans do that — because that's not where they live, and it's not what they're good at — they blow it."
Murphy:"You know what' really the worst part about it? The greatness of McCain is no cynicism," Murphy said. "And this is cynical."
Could this be a clue that perhaps Sarahcuda doesn't have the entire conservative base energized, and will instead split the ticket, cost McCain the election, and go down as one of the biggest campaign blunders in history?
If so, thank your lucky stars we at least have someone hot to watch him go down in flames with. Don't get me wrong, Lieberman seems like a nice guy, but this is a presidential election, not Grumpy Old Men 3.
Well, I guess the nation has been waiting for this. Many thanks to Diddy for his always insightful political commentary.
Best quotes:
"Alaska? Alaska? Alaska? Alask-come on man. I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska."
"You my man, God bless you, you're a great war hero, but you are bugging the fuck out."
"Alaska motherfucker? What is the reality in Alaska - there's not even no crackheads in Alaska...no black people...there's not even no like...crime, or like foreign policies...ya'll need to get versed on black policies."
Thank you Sean/Puffy/Diddy/Combs, I haven't laughed this hard in a while.
Obama's aides should remind him that he is running for president in the year 2008, not 1908. William Taft would have been able to make contradictory policy statements within months and never lose a night's sleep. The national media would rarely double or triple-check records, and the millions of bloggers, pundits, and fact-checkers furiously digging up incriminating "flip-flop" evidence were simply not a problem.
Barack does not have that luxury. Today, the scrutiny is never-ending, and rightfully so. Where suspicion abounds, one need only consult the tapes. Obama has pulled a complete 180 on the constitutionality of gun bans, specifically the D.C. gun ban which was recently declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. Barack was in favor of the ban and agreed it was constitutional, but yesterday came out on the side of judges, and stated that the measure "went too far." Watch.
Interviewer: "In November you had mentioned that the D.C. handgun law was constitutional; now you're embracing the Supreme Court's 5-4 decision striking down that law?"
Obama: "I uh, that's not what I said uh, back in November."
No, that's not what you said back in November. It's what you said 4 months ago in February, back when you were sprinting to the left of Hillary in an effort to sweep the primaries. Wasn't it you who told us not to tell you that "words don't matter?"
Heinz aired an ad in the UK that has been pulled after viewer complaints over a scene which shows two men kissing. What is absurd about this ad is that it's not as if the fact that the couple is gay is innocuous or secondary to the content of the ad. The entire punchline is "Look, gay people!" It's low-brow hilarity in its most absurd form.
The ad features children calling a grown man "Mum," which is apparently the first clue that Heinz mayonnaise is the most delicious mayo you'll ever have. After making some sandwiches for the kids, the ad culminates with the two men kissing, creating a commercial I wouldn't exactly call "mayo-centric." Watch.
It's as if Heinz sums up the premise as, "Get it? They're gay! Buy mayonnaise."
This isn't about gay people being on TV or in commercials, which is an entirely separate issue. Despite what Ann Coulter would have you believe, that isn't a huge outrage. Unlike my friends on the Left, I actually value freedom and would never lead a torch-wielding mob to Heinz HQ and demand the ad be removed from the air.
It's more about the apparent notion that being gay is now a fashionable novelty and a hilarious punchline. The content doesn't offend me, because I'm not gay, but if I were, I would be left wondering why my very sexuality was enough to sell mayonnaise.
Yesterday, Representative James Fagan (a criminal defense attorney) had some choice words for the Massachusetts State House. He railed against a piece of legislation known as "Jessica's Law," which would impose a 20-year mandatory minimum sentence for raping a child under the age of 12, because after all, who hasn't been in that pickle at least once? Watch.
Q: What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start.
During a speech in Florida, Barack Obama told supporters that Republicans would launch racial attacks against him in an effort to "make you afraid of me." His exact words were: "They're gonna try to make you afraid of me. They're gonna say, you know what? Hes uh...he's young and inexperienced, and uh...he's got a funny name. Did I mention he's black?" I've obtained a video, but you'll have to excuse Wolf Blitzer and his CNN cohorts. Watch.
Did Barack Obama forget when Jeremiah-gate exploded, and McCain refused to comment on Barack's pastor or the church? When everyone in the media couldn't say enough about how controversial the reverend was (and is), McCain said nothing. By hitting the mute button, he looked foolish in the eyes of conservatives and those outraged by Wright's anti-American statements. But in doing so, he refused to give Obama any ammunition.
Obama also must be forgetting that it was a Hillary Clinton staffer who sent the photo of him in African/Muslim garb to the Drudge Report, and that Clinton herself could only give a tepid repudiation of the "Obama is a Muslim" rumor. Barack is essentially saying that Republicans are racist, and that his "blackness" is the only reason people are afraid of him.
And that's another thing: How has he determined that he is black? He could just as much say that he's white, couldn't he? After all, he mother was white, and he was raised by white people with "Kansas values." So when did White + Black = Black?
If he was smart, he would use his own mixed racial identity as an analogy to the ways he will transcend the lines of race and culture - the cornerstone of his position on racial issues. He would say, "I'm not black, and I'm not white. I'm an example of why the question of white or black is an irrelevant one. Don't look at my skin color. Don't try to put me into a category or assign me a group identity. I'm a person like each and every one of you."
But of course, attending an America-damning Afro-centric church for 20 years kind of negates that strategy (and his entire premise of racial transcendence). If Obama has proof that the Republican Party and/or the McCain campaign plans racial attacks on him, then let the messiah show us. But if he doesn't, then Obama is guilty of his own race-baiting (the accusation he is throwing at Republicans) and should apologize.
Barack Obama has released his first campaign ad of the general election, and it is as generic as anything I've ever seen. It mentions nothing about his policies, and if you didn't know better, you might think you were listening to a conservative throwing around phrases like "accountability" and "strong families."
Do all politicians rent out the same faux living room set to film their commercials? If you ask me, it's pretty sad when a guy running for president has to sell the electorate on the idea that he actually loves his country. Watch.
So let me get this straight. The first Democrat ad is about "self-reliance" and "working hard without making excuses," and the first Republican ad is about "standing up to the President" on the issue of global warming? Have we slipped into a parallel universe?
"It will be with a deep and abiding faith in the country I love"...and want to change. I don't even want to know what goes up (or down) Chris Matthews' leg after watching this gem. Yes, this is the country I love: the country my buddy Bill Ayers bombed, the country my pastor blamed for inventing AIDS, and the country my wife says is "just downright mean."
He doesn't love America as much as he loves what he wants America to be.
Take a look at Dick Cheney's (then Secretary of Defense) thoughts on invading Baghdad after the end of the Gulf War. You'll find the tune he sings quite dissonant. Watch.
This man has had the same glasses for two decades, but it seems his views on Iraq have changed along the way. After Iraq's infrastructure was decimated by the long and bloody Iran-Iraq War of the 1980s, followed by a relatively swift defeat of Saddam after Operation Desert Storm, George H. W. Bush shared many of Dick's ideas. Even though the elder Bush had referred to Hussein as "Hitler revisited," he chose to leave the tyrant in charge of a crumbling nation of 21.5 million war-weary citizens.
While this seems illogical, Bush sensibly explained:
Trying to eliminate Hussein would have incurred human and political costs. Apprehending him was probably impossible. We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq. There was no viable "exit strategy" we could see, violating another of our principles. Furthermore, we had been self-consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-Cold War.
Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the United Nations' mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression that we hoped to establish.
Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land.
A few comments that also deserve some attention (besides W's bumbling speech at the end) come from Democratic leaders in the years and months leading up to Operation Iraqi Freedom. Watch.
You must understand something. The issue wasn't whether George W. Bush "lied" to "get us into" a war, and he must have been a damn good liar to be able to "hoodwink" all those Democrats, huh? The reasons for overthrowing Saddam were numerous, and I don't know anyone who would still want him in power. But that wasn't the issue either.
The real issue, as the first Bush noted over 15 years ago, was whether a plan for invasion and occupation with no exit strategy in a decaying country in the most volatile region on the planet would result in a very long and very costly conflict.
In 1994, Bush was absolutely correct about the dangers posed by an invasion of Baghdad. He apparently forgot to forward that memo to his son. By 2003, while Hussein's troubling activity was increasing, so were the conditions for making an occupation unlikely to succeed. But as much of a mistake as it might have been, and whatever the motivations of today's Democratic leaders, withdrawal (read: defeat) is not an "exit strategy."
Feast your stoned eyes on footage from this year's Bonnaroo festival. A word of advice to these "musicians" - when you're dealing with people on this many drugs, it's probably a good idea to include a date and time. Watch.
There are actually volunteers who stand outside of polling places for weeks after the election to tell every twenty-something with a hemp shirt and a soul patch that they "totally spaced on the date."
Congressman Paul Kanjorski may be getting some interesting mail in the coming days. Footage from a town hall meeting has surfaced showing the Pennsylvania representative admitting that the Democrats "stretched the facts" in regard to their ability to end the Iraq war if elected in 2006. Watch.
Here's the quote:
"We didn't say it, but we implied it, that if we [Democrats] won the Congressional elections, we could stop the war. Now anybody who was a good student of government would know that wasn't true. But you know, the temptation to want to win back the Congress, we sort of stretched the facts, and people ate it up."
In other words, we knew we couldn't stop the war just by winning back the Congress, but we realized that the biggest issue to voters was "Bush Lied, People Died." Hence, we ran on a phony "end-the-war" platform, because after all, you people were just dumb enough to believe us. Amazing.
What did we learn today, boys and girls? Politicians will lie in order to attain power! Face it - as much as you love the wrinkly shoe salesman or the eloquent dreamboat from Chicago, they're cut from the same cloth.
I've unearthed a video from 2004 in which, remarkably, Obama says he "never said that troops should be withdrawn." He goes on to say "I don't think that we should have an artificial deadline when to do that." Watch.
Given that the situation in Iraq is better now than it was in 2004, it's amazing to note how a Presidential campaign can work transformative wonders on a politician. This can only mean that in 2004, withdrawing was a bad idea, but now that the war has already been lost (his only possible conjecture), it is now the only option. I thought this war should end because "it should have never been authorized and should have never been waged?" He is a hollow man, drifting in the breeze of public opinion.
If you head over to ImVotingRepublican.com, you'll be greeted by the most hilariously over-the-top video I've seen during this campaign. According to the film, Republicans hate gay people, poor people, sick people, people with AIDS, women with breast cancer, women who are pregnant, food safety standards, small business, teachers, hybrid cars, black people, the environment, the consumer, other countries, the troops, and the constitution. In fact, it appears the only things Republicans don't hate are money and war. Watch.
The site then encourages visitors to "get informed" with links to the New York Times, NPR, and (gulp) MoveOn.org. You know I'm no fan of the Republican party, but this film is laughably demogogic and is almost a parody of itself. In fact, I've been sending it around to people with terminal illnesses and it has worked wonders for their morale. But, to quote Barack Obama, "in the interests of full disclosure" I feel obligated to tell you that there were actually many lines that were cut from the film. I present them to you now:
"I'm voting Republican because I'm filthy rich, and I want all of that money to stay in my bank account where dirty poor people can't get it."
"I'm voting Republican because, as my mother used to say, a little waterboarding never hurt anybody."
"I'm voting Republican because I believe in a woman's right to choose which automatic weapon she uses to defend herself from those pesky minorities."
"I'm voting Republican because hybrid cars are really gay looking. Oh by the way, I hate queers."
"I'm voting Republican in order to get a free iPod nano with my tax return." "I'm voting Republican because I believe that all whales should be nuked. Except for the 'Free Willy' kind. Those can stay."
"I'm voting Republican because I have a front porch, a Lynyrd Skynyrd tattoo, and no Jewish friends."
"I'm voting Republican because my wife is insisting upon it. Oh, I should mention I can only get an erection when gas is over $3.50 a gallon."
"I'm voting Republican because global warming will only really affect the world's dark-skinned people who live close to the equator, and after all, they knew what they were getting into when they decided to live there."
"I'm voting Republican because I believe that one day America's dream for Iraq will be realized, and we will finally welcome our 51st state."
"I'm voting Republican because I hate you."
Hat tip to Keith Freund who sent me this video and contributed wonderfully to this post.